STYLISTIC ANALYSIS OF VARIOUS TYPES OF ESSAYS
In this chapter we describe different forms and styles of essay writing. These forms and styles are used by a range of authors, including university students and professional essayists.
To characterize the peculiar features of the admission essay we would like to make stylistic analyses of an article. App. 1]
The beginning of an essay, paragraph 1, is essential to making a good impression. We have elevated the level of diction here and improved the pacing to construct a more fluid beginning, including this sentence: "The injury itself was tendonitis, an elusive malady, not easy to pin down like a simple broken bone." ...view middle of the document...
The overall content of the paragraph 4 was quite strong, but the links between each sentence were often awkward or clunky. We have reworked most of the sentences to gently pull the reader along and emphasize the level of perseverance you displayed during your training: "Eventually I moved into the garage, where we threw into an old rug we had suspended from the rafters with a bungee cord. Next came the great leap into the backyard, where we threw into a net tied on one side to a tree and on the other to a fence."
You have earned the right to wax eloquent a bit in the paragraph 5, and we have inserted some revised phrasings that bring out the poetry in your ambidextrous accomplishment: "On the contrary, it was what I learned about learning itself. Because I began at rock bottom, I was forced to acquire an intimate understanding of how one learns something entirely foreign." This also subtly shifts the focus towards more general themes than baseball and primes the reader for the next paragraph. We would consider adding a more concrete example here of how you applied this lesson to mathematics and physics. Was there a particular problem or mathematical idea in which you recall having to stretch just beyond what you could currently manage?
The ideas here are great, but they are organized in a slightly confused manner, so that you have to read the paragraph 6 once or twice to understand the connections you are trying to make. We have revised the sentence order and structure to create a sense of parallelism in which your metaphor can be understood simply and vividly: "The trick was always to attempt something (be it a pitch or a problem) just beyond what I was presently capable of doing. By reaching just beyond my grasp, I grew tremendously."
In the paragraph 7 we would suggest adding some sort of quote here to connect the conclusion back to your introduction - perhaps something along the lines of, "I now understood what Napoleon meant when he observed 'Opportunity often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat.'"
Also, we have improved the rhythm of the concluding sentences through light alliteration and a soothing structure that reflects the assurance and knowledge you have gleaned from this experience: "I no longer fear injury, bad luck, or misstep; I know firsthand that for each door that closes two more open. In the future, I will fear no failure, for I now see opportunity lurking in the guise of adversity.
The next article which is under consideration is entitled “Health and healing at your fingertips.” It’s an example of the argumentative essay. App. 2]
There are three possible organization patterns:
|Pattern 1: |Pattern 2: |Pattern 3: |
|Thesis statement |Thesis statement |Thesis statement ...