HOW I OVERCAME DEPRESSION
I was born and raised in Indonesia, within a close knit family. Growing up, I was very close to my family even though life was difficult because of the economic situation in Singapore. Still we made do for a very long time. From a very young age my parents had high expectations of me and this put a lot of pressure on me to always be the best I can be. I started working at age 11 for my mother’s company while I was still in school.
After I finished school, I got a job with a radio station in Indonesia that was lovely and exciting but I needed to do more. I had the opportunity to move to the United States to attend community college and therefore I took it. I felt ...view middle of the document...
I started to wonder whether I was doing a good job at the bookstore, and although I did not ask anyone, I concluded that I was not. By the time the year was ending in 2008 I felt completely isolated an alone. I did not find anyone who understood who I am. Those who tried only managed to irritate me. Everyone around me was having a good time except for me.
In 2009, things had gotten really bad in my head and this affected everything I was involved in. I did not want to go to my classes, I felt work was a complete waste of my time and people were such an expensive investment and I decided I could not afford any of them.
I yearned to feel my mother’s love, even just the tough kind, or even my father’s words of advice. I felt a strong need to be loved and to love and every time I talked to my parents it got a little deeper. I was so sad at having left home. Sometimes I wondered why I came at all.
I was such a good people person but it was now a challenge dealing with them and other times I felt completely incapable. At this point I decided to go for just one visit to the college psychiatrist, to find out whether all the feelings I had gone through were all normal and if not I wanted to get any kind of medication to make me feel better.
This, I now realize was the beginning of my road to recovery. Getting the help, no actually realizing there is a problem is the first step towards overcoming depression. My first visit with the Psychiatrist turned into two, three and then some. These appointments became a crutch for me, I got to talk about home with someone who just listened.
At the end of 2010 I felt so much better and stopped going to the psychiatrist, against her advice, but I felt so much stronger so I left. Little did I know that the guilty feelings, sadness and demotivation would come flooding back in.
It even got worse this time round, even though the doctor had helped me understand why I felt guilty and why I was depressed I felt doubly sad. I was a well performing student by my test scores were now so low and I was so ashamed of myself. I hadn’t told my parents and figured they would be much more disappointed in me than I was.
In my mind I was a total failure, not good at school, not the model employee and no friends except for acquaintances. I wondered why all those who came from different places seemed to be having a good time and were successful. The more I felt it was my fault, the more depressed I got.
I didn’t realize it then but I do now, that the values of hard work and persistence taught by parents and previous employment are what motivated me into action. I got the strong urge to do as best as I could possibly do in the college bookstore. I submerged myself into stocking shelves and managing the inventory, I helped the customers and students as much as I could to find the course materials and books they were looking for.
Involving myself so much kept me busy and I realized I did not have a physical sickness and that it...