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Makenzie Essay

671 words - 3 pages

The NICU life:
I wake up not having slept. My mind races throughout the night. I pump my milk faithfully because I know a certain little man needs it more than I will ever know. I call the nurse almost every 4 hours. Is he ok? Did he have episodes of low numbers? Is he still off the breathing machine? Can you please give him a hug for me. All these thoughts race my mind and I cant escape it. I finally shower. My eyes look like I've been punched because the dark circles are so bad from lack of sleep. My hair is barely brushed. Half the time I don't even know what I am doing because I am so focused on seeing my son. Finally I get in my car and drive 30-45 minutes to see him, depending on traffic. I cuss as I try to find parking at the hospital and it frustrates me. Will I make it in time to see him being ...view middle of the document...

My mind still races. Finally I walk back and see him. There he is all snuggled in, at this point I'm exhausted but I can finally breathe, or can I? Wait, whats wrong? Why is his heart rate so low, why did he desat to 60, why are his lips turning blue, why are you putting a mask over my sons face? I just got here and when I CALLED YOU SAID EVERYTHING WAS FINE...PLEASE STOP THE ALARMS, IM GONNA PASS OUT, I CANT TAKE IT.......... And just like that, its over. His lips are no longer blue, his heart rate came up and OMG HE IS SMILING AT ME...Just like that, I am at peace....I look inside his "spaceship" , his incubator, and I tell him how much he is loved. I hold his hand and pray with him....I wonder if he can see me when he looks at me....of course he can.. He knows my voice..I wonder if he knows his mommy hasn't slept a wink since I delivered him. I wonder if he knows I only worry about him and I would give anything to trade places. I wonder if he knows, he is my hero..... So I finally take a seat next to his space ship and I close my eyes..I think about my days events and how stressed out I am but it hits me.... it smacks me dead in my face...Here I am losing my mind and feeling so stressed out and my baby boy is fighting for his life 24/7. Here I am worrying about getting a good parking spot and hes taking every breathe with caution because it could be his last. He is poked everyday with a needle, constantly hooked up to some machine and yet not one complaint or tear from him!! I close my eyes again and pray ...pray that God heals my heart, pray that God keeps His hands on my son and heals him quick !! and like that....I am with peace.... The NICU is the worst roller coaster ride you can imagine. Its so full of ups and downs, highs and lows..... but those babies in there are true heros, true survivors and true true miracles !!! I love you so much Dion James are truly my hero...

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