Dad shouted down the stairs ‘come down here now’!
The X Box was buzzing with excitement as I reluctantly passed my game which was my favourite pastime since my mum walked out on my dad, me and my sister three years previously.. I remember that day she left like it was only yesterday, it was though I was prepared emotionally for the intolerable pain which tears you apart, like a stone heavy on the heart, but I know now that I really wasn’t.
Every morning, every meal times, every evening it hurt so badly I wanted to hurt her too. I so badly need her here, to feel her love, to touch out to her. I remember bedtimes which were for stories and adventures, the touch of her gentle hugs, the smell of her softly shampooed hair, and the sparkle of her soul. She’s now my ghost, an unfelt, unspoken memory of the past.
Dad was still shouting to me from the bottom of the ...view middle of the document...
Slowly, Slowly I open the letter and gingerly remove it from its personal surroundings. This wasn’t the first letter and certainly wasn’t to be the last letter from my mum who was once more asking for reconciliation, forgiveness on my part and offering explanations on hers.
A feeling of emptiness laid heavy as I knew that however many letters, texts I received from my mum there was absolutely nothing I could do about contacting her in any possible way because of the furious, angry feelings of resentment my dad and his family felt about her for leaving us.
If only I could be strong like my elder sister who spent time with her and her new husband and stepdaughter who I have never met, then my emptiness might be replaced by calmness and happiness.
The answer to this letter sealed with love bursting at the seams from my desperate mum wanting, hoping and praying for a reaction and answer would result in nothingness. It was the only and easiest way not to upset my dad who was desperate to eliminate her from my already empty soul.
Punishment for leaving him because she was unhappy was no part of his, for which he couldn’t understand that marriage was two way. He loved her with all his soul, suffocating her to the point of no return. It played on his mind like a fire burning raging out of control and no amount of water could distinguish the furious of the flame. If I played a part keeping this fire burning, burning, then it was a good match to strike.
I shrugged my shoulders so they nearly touched my ears, I was in despair, regret and sadness.
What could I do? Nothing, the emptiness would adhere to my 18 year old soul which my mum helped to create.
Under my bed hidden under the dirty, floorboard was a cardboard box, full of letter, memories, photos and my mothers love to which I added the emotional latest letter. I replaced the floorboard and returned to my paused X box.
‘What was the letter about?’ shouted dad to which I replied ‘absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing’, whilst a tear trickled slowly out of my blurry eye.